Waiting, praying, and God finally saying ‘Yes’

Surely God must have been tired of my aching heart crying out to Him at all hours of the day and night. I must have prayed a thousand prayers and shed a thousand tears before God’s answer went from “Wait” to “Now is the time.” After a very long, very hard year and a half, I finally have a church family, a place where God wants me to serve and a people He wants me to love.

My story has always included church. I grew up in and attended the same church for 24 years, and I had the best time serving there. I knew the importance of fellowship with believers, and I craved that fellowship. I worked in many different ministries throughout the years, with teaching children being my favorite. Those were “my kids” so to speak, and I talked about them so often that a college classmate of mine asked, “So how many kids DO you have?”

When I had to go, my heart broke most at the thought of leaving my kids. I loved introducing them to the Bible and teaching them not just Bible stories, but also the overarching story of God’s Word — the redemption plan of a loving Father who saw fit to sacrifice His only Son so that sinners like us could have a right relationship with Him and spend an eternity glorifying His name. I made it a point to bring every story back to that truth, to the truth that the world is trying to stamp out at every turn.

My heart grieved over leaving those children. My heart grieved over sin in general. I understood why people leave church and never go back. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do, but I certainly understand it. Someone told me just today that the heart takes a long time to heal, and I believe it. I’m always going to have a little pain thinking back on this, but God is helping me heal.

Anyway, in all the turmoil and heartache, I trusted that God could use all things for good. See, He promised me in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. “All things” means both the really good things and the really bad things, the things we rejoice about and the things that make us weep. My trust wasn’t perfect, and there were certainly days when Satan tried to add baggage to me, telling me I’m now broken and that God can’t use me anymore, that starting over isn’t worth it, and that I’m not good enough for ministry.

But God. That’s one of my favorite phrases from the Bible. Something bad happens, but God… Someone is struggling, but God … I love that I serve a God like that.

So Satan loaded me down, but God assured me that He would get the glory in all this and that He had a plan bigger than what I expected. My faith in God was the only thing that got me through the waiting period. I felt lost, like I was floating all alone, but God was with me, and that was enough. That was enough to give me the courage to walk in a lot of different churches and seek God’s guidance in them. It’s not easy being a church visitor, and it’s not easy when you find a church you like only to have God tell you it’s not the one.

Little did I know that God was working it out to where I would be somewhere I am loved, somewhere I feel safe, somewhere that I can serve in children’s ministry again, and somewhere I can serve alongside some good friends and mentors. I was a little gun-shy at the thought of joining any church again, but God made it apparent that this was where I needed to be right now, and so I joined last Sunday, ready to commit to serving Christ with the people of Pisgah Baptist Church.


This is Sunday afternoon of the day I joined. I’m not a selfie person, but I was so excited that I took a photo anyway.

I’ve met many precious people, and I’ve felt welcomed and loved since day one, even though I only knew two people when I first went there. The church has supported my mission work without knowing much about The Hope Project or about me, and they’ve prayed for me and included me from the beginning. They truly have a heart for the least of these; I’ve seen them serve the ones so often overlooked. I’m excited to be there and see how God is working in Pisgah, Alabama.

Do I expect the church to be perfect? No. I don’t think any church is perfect given that the church is made up of us sinners. But I do know that we need each other. With all our imperfections and shortcomings, we need fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ, people to encourage us in our faith and to hold us accountable to our mission of following Christ. I also know this is where God has me for now, which means there’s something for me to learn from my time here. There are people there with whom I need to build relationships, there are people there who I need to serve, and there are people there from whom I need to learn.

This is a journey unlike any I’ve experienced before, but I know God is with me and has had me wait a year and a half in order to lead me here for a purpose. I’m ready and excited to discover the reasons why and to see Him work in Pisgah, Alabama.


I was obviously excited because I took a second selfie.

Why he won’t complete me

I’ve been mulling over an article by Tim Challies titled “4 Marks of a Godly Husband’s Love” for five days now. Challies is pulling from a commentary by Richard Phillips on Ephesians, and I think he does an excellent job of explaining the different aspects of the love a husband should have for his wife: a self-sacrificing love, a redeeming love, a caring love, and a committed love. If you’re a man trying to pursue your relationships the God way, I think you should take time to read it. If you’re a woman wanting to understand the man’s role in a marriage, I think you should read it.

As I read through the “caring love” section, I kept thinking, “Wouldn’t it be great to be loved like this? It would be amazing to have someone who fills all these longings of being cherished and nourished and fully, completely loved.”

And just like that God says, “HELLO?! Have you forgotten who I am? I know you more intimately than any man ever will, and I can cherish you, nourish you, and fully and completely love you better than any man ever can.”

I finished the article, pulled out my Bible, and connected with God, letting His presence fill my spirit in a way that I know no man ever will. Like every other Christian, sometimes I lose focus for a moment and need God to bring things back into perspective.

After communicating with God on this issue and pondering the article the past few days, here is the takeaway for me: My future husband will not perfectly love me and meet all my needs, and I will not perfectly love him and meet all of his.

See, I’ve read about a million Christian dating books and articles, and they tell you how Christian relationships are supposed to work and paint a really pretty picture of them, but the ones I read didn’t have much “real talk.”

Real talk is remembering that being a Christian does not bring perfection to everything you do. Christians make mistakes.

Real talk is remembering that each of us has a selfish nature and won’t always give the other person the attention they need from you.

Real talk is remembering that sometimes we fail to communicate our needs effectively.

That sounds so romantic, doesn’t it?

In God’s Word is a beautiful picture of what a Christian relationship looks like, and while it would be amazing to see that picture lived out 100 percent of the time, we’re sinners, which means we have messy relationships at times. We just have to show grace in those moments and let God teach us how to love and serve each other better.

The sweetness of a relationship with God, though, is that He never fails and that He loves perfectly every single time. God didn’t create family, friends, relationships, or anything else to fill every void we have. Only He can fill us completely, and He deeply desires to do that. He wants us to pursue Him intimately and find the peace that only He can bring.

Pursuing a Christ-centered relationship is important, and it’s also important that we don’t set unfair expectations on the other person. We shouldn’t expect them to be perfect and to fill every void; God is the one to do that, and I think we should give Him the chance to do show us how awesome He is at satisfying us when we’re feeling empty.

I’m not married and could be way off on all this, but it’s simply what I feel God has been teaching me the past week or so. He’s a good, loving Father, and it brings me peace to know that He will satisfy my every longing.