Why he won’t complete me

I’ve been mulling over an article by Tim Challies titled “4 Marks of a Godly Husband’s Love” for five days now. Challies is pulling from a commentary by Richard Phillips on Ephesians, and I think he does an excellent job of explaining the different aspects of the love a husband should have for his wife: a self-sacrificing love, a redeeming love, a caring love, and a committed love. If you’re a man trying to pursue your relationships the God way, I think you should take time to read it. If you’re a woman wanting to understand the man’s role in a marriage, I think you should read it.

As I read through the “caring love” section, I kept thinking, “Wouldn’t it be great to be loved like this? It would be amazing to have someone who fills all these longings of being cherished and nourished and fully, completely loved.”

And just like that God says, “HELLO?! Have you forgotten who I am? I know you more intimately than any man ever will, and I can cherish you, nourish you, and fully and completely love you better than any man ever can.”

I finished the article, pulled out my Bible, and connected with God, letting His presence fill my spirit in a way that I know no man ever will. Like every other Christian, sometimes I lose focus for a moment and need God to bring things back into perspective.

After communicating with God on this issue and pondering the article the past few days, here is the takeaway for me: My future husband will not perfectly love me and meet all my needs, and I will not perfectly love him and meet all of his.

See, I’ve read about a million Christian dating books and articles, and they tell you how Christian relationships are supposed to work and paint a really pretty picture of them, but the ones I read didn’t have much “real talk.”

Real talk is remembering that being a Christian does not bring perfection to everything you do. Christians make mistakes.

Real talk is remembering that each of us has a selfish nature and won’t always give the other person the attention they need from you.

Real talk is remembering that sometimes we fail to communicate our needs effectively.

That sounds so romantic, doesn’t it?

In God’s Word is a beautiful picture of what a Christian relationship looks like, and while it would be amazing to see that picture lived out 100 percent of the time, we’re sinners, which means we have messy relationships at times. We just have to show grace in those moments and let God teach us how to love and serve each other better.

The sweetness of a relationship with God, though, is that He never fails and that He loves perfectly every single time. God didn’t create family, friends, relationships, or anything else to fill every void we have. Only He can fill us completely, and He deeply desires to do that. He wants us to pursue Him intimately and find the peace that only He can bring.

Pursuing a Christ-centered relationship is important, and it’s also important that we don’t set unfair expectations on the other person. We shouldn’t expect them to be perfect and to fill every void; God is the one to do that, and I think we should give Him the chance to do show us how awesome He is at satisfying us when we’re feeling empty.

I’m not married and could be way off on all this, but it’s simply what I feel God has been teaching me the past week or so. He’s a good, loving Father, and it brings me peace to know that He will satisfy my every longing.


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